I believe the title is suitably fruity.

Browsing around I realized I havent even bothered to update and check on my own profile in HOLY CARP five frick years. Kind of a dumb thing to do, yanno?

So much has changed: Moved out, then switched apartments 3 times. Bought a car. Started a new career! Will go into greater detail later.

Brain Dump Begins:

Broke up with a significant other on Friday. Year and a half. Introspective time. Look back over everything I've done and see what I've learned, what has changed. Did I do things right? Have I screwed up someplace?

I don't really think so. I think I followed the script and did everything the right way. Keep trying to be true to myself and continue to trudge along. It hurts, like so many things that are sundered (5 dollar word there, eh?) before they were meant to. I know it won't hurt forever but this a new experience. Never been this emotionally invested in something before. Moving across the country wasn't this big. Clinically, its fascinating, but thinking that way creeps me out. Detachment is cheating really, better to feel and experience what is going on, even if it's not the best situation, then continue on.

That all said, sometimes hard to tell what I am feeling moment to moment. Such a jumble. Hard to quantify. Also makes reactions difficult. Not twitchy but words might come out wrong. Better to stay low key.

Friends are good. Supportive, not pushy. Don't ask questions, which is MAJOR. Don't have to live through things 3, 4, 5 times. They listen and nod at all the right times. The effort means more to me than understanding does. The feelings are mine. Glad if they empathize but the talking is cartharthic. It's a pressure valve. Heavy stuff roiling around in here and some of it needs to come out. They don't actually need to parse the words and I don't expect them too. Family helps too. Won't take either for granted. I know too many that aren't as lucky as I have been in that regard.

At a loss currently. Patterns disrupted, habits that are being broken. Thats the hardest part. Calling on the phone, IMs, Skype. Comes naturally to use them all, repetitively engrained. Fricking Pavlov level stuff here. Requires active thought to stop myself. Work tomorrow, good distraction. Keep busy and don't think TOO hard about things. Don't STOP thinking, already bitched about detachment. Try to get some rest and for gods sakes remember to eat. We'll see how I do, won't we?

End Brain Dump.

-T$